1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:02,480 I really appreciate this. 2 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:05,360 Hey, my pleasure. I just couldn't trust it to the movers. 3 00:00:05,780 --> 00:00:06,780 It's an antique. 4 00:00:06,980 --> 00:00:07,959 Uh -huh. 5 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,840 So, what apartment will you be moving into? 6 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,660 4G. Fourth floor. No kidding. That's my floor. 7 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:15,879 Howdy, neighbor. 8 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,960 Howdy. You're going to like living here. 9 00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:22,430 Watch out for Mr. Sweeney in apartment 2D. If he asks you to come in and feed 10 00:00:22,430 --> 00:00:23,510 his dog, just say no. 11 00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,270 How come? He doesn't have a dog. 12 00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:30,810 So, tell me, what time are you and your husband expecting the movers? 13 00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:32,430 Oh, I'm not married. 14 00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:34,030 Really? 15 00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:37,790 No, and I don't expect the movers until tomorrow. They were supposed to come 16 00:00:37,790 --> 00:00:40,530 today, but I had to cancel at the last minute, so I'm stuck with no dishes. 17 00:00:40,850 --> 00:00:42,050 Hey, I can lend you dishes. 18 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,390 I don't have a chair to sit on. I've got an extra chair. 19 00:00:44,650 --> 00:00:46,210 I don't even have a bed to sleep in tonight. 20 00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:47,160 Dear John and filmed before a studio audience. 21 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,080 Yo, John. 22 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:55,920 What, are you upset about something? 23 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:00,100 Yes, you're damn right. You're damn right, I am upset. You should be 24 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,900 John. I do not forward my phone calls to just anyone. 25 00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:09,240 You know, it took me 45 minutes to get those messages off my machine. John, 26 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,820 John, just out of curiosity. 27 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,420 Were any of those calls for you, what difference does that make? 28 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,540 Well, you may be suffering from message envy. 29 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,260 Yes. Here. 30 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,100 Hmm. 31 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:23,500 All right. 32 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,160 Mona. 33 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,580 Ooh. 34 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:28,840 Tina. 35 00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:30,460 Hurt me. 36 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:31,900 Bambi. 37 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,420 Bob Morris? 38 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:38,600 My brother called? 39 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,160 Yeah. I talked to him. 40 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:43,180 Said he's going to be in town for a couple of days. I told him he can find 41 00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:44,180 here tonight. 42 00:02:44,659 --> 00:02:48,840 John, I have been fucking my brother for years. I hate his guts. 43 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:53,180 He's an obnoxious, conniving, self -centered braggart. 44 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:56,820 Are you by any chance twins? 45 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,120 I've got to get out of here. 46 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:04,920 Kirk, don't you think you might want to deal with this? I am dealing with this. 47 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,300 He's coming down the hall. 48 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,860 I've got to hide in the storeroom. 49 00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:18,770 Come on, Red, this could take a while. It was worth a shot. 50 00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:23,190 John, just tell him I'm not here. 51 00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:29,590 Oh, you're not actually going to lie for him, are you? It's Kirk's brother. 52 00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:30,690 What's the big deal? 53 00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:35,750 Excuse me, I'm looking for Kirk Morris. 54 00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:37,490 I'm his brother. 55 00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:41,610 You're Bob Morris? 56 00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:43,269 I'll be Dan. 57 00:03:43,270 --> 00:03:44,270 Darn. 58 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:46,050 Damn darn, that's what I'll be. 59 00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:48,810 Well, how do you do, Father? 60 00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:51,070 I'm John Lacey. I talked to you on the phone. 61 00:03:51,350 --> 00:03:52,970 Oh, yes, Kirk's secretary. 62 00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:54,430 Nice to meet you. 63 00:03:55,550 --> 00:04:01,370 Nice to meet you, Father Bob. I'm Louise, and this is Ralph, Kate, Mrs. 64 00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:02,850 Tom, and Mary Beth. 65 00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:06,590 Everybody, you're Kirk's brother. 66 00:04:09,050 --> 00:04:11,570 Hey, we all have our cross to bear. 67 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,060 So, uh, where is he? 68 00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:15,780 Oh, he's around. 69 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,860 Hey, aren't we lucky, huh? 70 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,060 Finally, someone who knows him, actually knows him, can tell us all about our 71 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,560 dear friend, Kirk. 72 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:29,660 Now, just you sit down and make yourself nice and comfy. 73 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:34,420 You know, I think we may have found our theme for the evening. 74 00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:36,340 Maybe the year. 75 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,380 So, tell us, Father Bob, what was Kirk like as a child? 76 00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:43,840 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 77 00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,800 One question at a time. 78 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,300 I'll be glad to tell you anything you want to know. 79 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:54,680 Father Bob, why did God let a cute little bird like the dodo become 80 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:58,860 Later. Right now, Father Bob's going to tell us all about Kirk. 81 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,320 Now, don't hold back. We're all grown -ups here. 82 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:07,400 What's that? Oh, they're just remodeling the storeroom. 83 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:09,380 Yeah, now about Kirk. 84 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,020 Tell us... Solomon's deep, dark secrets. 85 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,100 Deep, dark secrets. 86 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,000 Where do I begin? 87 00:05:17,220 --> 00:05:18,220 Okay. 88 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:23,780 I was right. 89 00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:25,820 Thermites. 90 00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:32,120 Well, if it isn't my brother, the father. 91 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,040 It's been too long, Kirk. 92 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:38,800 How you been doing? 93 00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,060 I've been doing great. 94 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:41,530 How you been doing? Me? 95 00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,990 Terrific. Actually, I've been doing fantastic. 96 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:46,510 Really? Yeah. 97 00:05:46,530 --> 00:05:48,330 Well, I've been doing tremendous. 98 00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:51,490 Come to think of it, I've been doing sensational. 99 00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:55,250 Really? Yeah. Well, I've been doing phenomenal. 100 00:05:57,370 --> 00:05:59,450 Oh, my God, there's two of them. 101 00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:03,970 Listen, Kirk, the reason I stopped by is... 102 00:06:05,729 --> 00:06:07,830 Listen, maybe we ought to talk about this outside. 103 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,210 No, no, no. You can stay here. 104 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,730 We've got nothing to talk about. 105 00:06:14,990 --> 00:06:18,810 Listen, Kirk, I'm going to be helping out at St. Eugenius for a couple of 106 00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:23,270 and then I'm winging off to a new assignment. So I thought maybe we could 107 00:06:23,270 --> 00:06:24,270 little. Why? 108 00:06:24,610 --> 00:06:26,190 Hey, we're family. 109 00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:29,410 I mean, how am I going to tell the Pope I don't speak to my own brother? 110 00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:33,290 You going to work for the Pope? 111 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,280 No, he's going to hire a stranger. 112 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:37,900 What a coincidence. 113 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,420 Kurt knows the Pope, too. 114 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,320 Ralph? You told me he performed your wedding ceremony. 115 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,200 I didn't say that. 116 00:06:44,420 --> 00:06:46,940 I said he sent us a waffle iron. 117 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,060 Working for the Pope. 118 00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:51,920 You must be very proud. 119 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:57,440 Proud? Hey, pride is something this guy gave up when he entered the priesthood. 120 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,800 I mean, my reward is the satisfaction that comes from dedicating my life to 121 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:06,880 helping others. Oh, that's great. What a wonderful brother you have, Kirk. Whoa, 122 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:07,739 whoa, whoa, whoa. 123 00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:10,320 Let's not start kissing feet here, all right? 124 00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:14,540 Hey, Bob, it was great to see you. Be sure to stop by in another ten years, 125 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,860 okay? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Kirk, you want to hear what your brother 126 00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:19,480 to say? Yeah, well, I'm not interested in what he has to say. 127 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,320 Kirk, you're acting like a child. 128 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:27,000 Yes, your brother was expressing some very noble feelings. Oh, yeah, yeah. 129 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,240 He's an expert on feelings. 130 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,660 Ask him how he felt when he slept with my fiancée. Oh, wow. 131 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,580 Father Bob, how did you feel on your sleep? 132 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,000 Unfortunately, what Kirk says is true. 133 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,920 I did sleep with his fiancée. 134 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:52,340 Is there a celibacy problem? 135 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,780 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You thought that I... 136 00:07:57,020 --> 00:08:01,880 No, no. That was years before I became a priest. Listen, Kirk, maybe it's better 137 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,200 if we talk about this outside. 138 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,180 Don't be shy. It's all right. I got nothing to hide. 139 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,200 Say it. 140 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,960 Look, Kirk, I'm sorry. 141 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:16,860 I hated myself when Barbara called off your wedding, but it was a long time 142 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,680 Don't you think it's about time you forgave me? 143 00:08:19,940 --> 00:08:20,940 You want forgiveness? 144 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,960 Go ask your pal the Pope. 145 00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,560 I don't even know why I'm talking to you. 146 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,260 Well, if that's the way you feel about it, I don't know why I'm talking to you 147 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,920 either. You know, you're the same pain you were when we were kids. 148 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,360 You know what would make me happy? 149 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,140 If I never saw your ugly face again. 150 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:40,220 Yeah? It'd make me happy, too. Yeah, it'd make me happier. 151 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:44,340 Yeah, it would make me jubilant. Yeah, it would make me ecstatic. It would make 152 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:49,040 me... Boy, you are lucky I can't think of another word for happy. 153 00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:55,080 Way to go, Kirk. 154 00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:59,490 Shame on you, Kirk. Your brother came here to make up. 155 00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:01,650 Oh, boy. 156 00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:03,070 He didn't come here to make up. 157 00:09:03,650 --> 00:09:04,970 He came here to gloat. 158 00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:08,050 To show me how successful he is. 159 00:09:08,470 --> 00:09:10,790 Let me know he'll be fooling around wrong in the folk mobile. 160 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:13,170 Oh, come on, Kirk. 161 00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:16,610 You heard your brother. You heard what he said. That's not why he came. 162 00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:17,850 Oh, sure. 163 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,570 Believe a priest and not me. 164 00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:38,680 Barbara, Barbara, Barbara. 165 00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:43,960 Why did my brother have to come back here and remind me of her again? 166 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,780 She must have meant an awful lot to you. 167 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,200 A what? 168 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,560 She was the perfect woman. 169 00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:55,880 I was planning on spending the rest of my life with her. 170 00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,320 Kirk, I've never seen you this hurt before. 171 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,800 Neither have I. 172 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,300 Boy, you really must have loved that girl. 173 00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:06,900 Loved? 174 00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:08,740 What? 175 00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:10,460 Loved. 176 00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:14,460 The broad was loaded! 177 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:25,900 Are you trying to tell me that you 178 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,840 would have married her only for her money? 179 00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,620 Yeah, so? 180 00:10:34,830 --> 00:10:36,150 Those are my values. 181 00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:38,590 Unbelievable. 182 00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:44,010 Kirk, I've thrown away cheese that was less offensive than you. 183 00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:49,430 Oh, come on. What are you all yelling at me for? 184 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:55,270 Bob's the one that slept with my fiancée, and he did it just to spite me. 185 00:10:55,270 --> 00:10:55,849 his guts. 186 00:10:55,850 --> 00:10:58,930 Now, listen. I hate him. Listen to yourself. Listen to that anger. 187 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:03,170 Your brother's going to fly off to Rome in a couple of days. You may never see 188 00:11:03,170 --> 00:11:04,029 him again. 189 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:06,910 You're going to carry all this anger around you for the rest of your life. 190 00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:08,209 You know that? 191 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,510 So why don't you just talk to him? 192 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,770 Just talk to him. 193 00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:12,190 Forgive him. 194 00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:13,310 And then you're rid of it. 195 00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:15,490 No, I can never forgive him. 196 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,610 Why did he have to come here tonight? 197 00:11:20,170 --> 00:11:22,990 I don't want to have to throw my weight around. 198 00:11:24,830 --> 00:11:30,230 But I say, from now on, we don't let any more priests in here. 199 00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:50,780 Who said New Yorkers don't make good neighbors? 200 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,140 Oh, whoever they are, they're wrong. 201 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,920 Let's prove them wrong again. 202 00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:01,240 You know what? 203 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,860 What? We could prove them even wronger. 204 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,280 It would serve them right. 205 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:11,560 You've got the prettiest neck in the universe. 206 00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:14,280 Oh, pretty ears, too. 207 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:15,920 Pretty shoulders. 208 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:18,720 You've got such pretty parts. 209 00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:19,980 Thank you. 210 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,640 Let's say we browse around the parts department. 211 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:35,940 Unless you're going to move like that. 212 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:37,720 Yes, 213 00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:39,020 yes, yes. 214 00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:40,660 No. 215 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,460 We have to talk. Kirk, what the hell are you doing here? Don't take that off. 216 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:45,760 John, you were right. 217 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,780 I thought I could forget this whole thing with my brother. All right. But I 218 00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:51,880 can't. I've got to get rid of this anger, John. 219 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,960 Yes, yes, yes, you sure do. Yes, you sure do. I've got to go down to St. 220 00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:59,210 Eugenia's right now, and I've got to forgive the bum. Right. Now you're 221 00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:00,330 Go fly. 222 00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:01,430 Wings on your heels. 223 00:13:01,570 --> 00:13:02,570 John. Time's wasting. 224 00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:04,410 Godspeed. Don't spare the horses. 225 00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:06,750 The early bird catches the worm. John. 226 00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:12,570 What I am trying to say is I need you to go down there and tell him I forgive 227 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:15,050 him. Me? No, no, no. No way. Forget it. John, John. 228 00:13:15,950 --> 00:13:19,990 You were so eloquent tonight when you told me about, you know, getting rid of 229 00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:21,210 anger and all that. 230 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:27,110 You moved me. Yeah. I'll move you again. Good night. No, John. At least, at 231 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:28,110 least promise. 232 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:29,780 That you'll go down there with me tomorrow. 233 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,880 Yes, I will. I promise. Right, tomorrow. I'll meet you there. Yes, I promise. 234 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,540 Ten o 'clock tomorrow morning. Oh, John. 235 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,860 I owe you, buddy. I owe you. But 236 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,100 what'll I say? 237 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,600 We better go over it. No, no, no. No, no, that'll spoil everything. 238 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,920 Spontaneity, that's the key. You see, priests love that. 239 00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:55,300 You're tired, aren't you? Oh, am I? Ah, poot. 240 00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:57,940 Say no more, John. 241 00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,200 I'll make the coffee. 242 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:01,520 What? 243 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,900 Go now before I harm you. 244 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,540 What's the rush? 245 00:14:15,140 --> 00:14:18,780 All right, all right, all right, all right. You must know. 246 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:23,260 I have a, uh... Young lady in bed. 247 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:26,820 Yes. 248 00:14:29,580 --> 00:14:31,500 John, John, John. 249 00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:35,520 You pistol arrow. 250 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,480 Why didn't you say something? 251 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,020 Where have you been? Oh, my luck. 252 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,400 Some clown threw himself in front of the subway train. I had to get off and take 253 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,400 a local. 254 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:09,800 Oh, my God. 255 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,100 That's terrible. 256 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,040 What happened to him? 257 00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:15,700 John, this is New York. 258 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,840 If you stick around to find out what happens to every guy who jumps in front 259 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,220 a train, you will never get anywhere. 260 00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:23,940 I'll try to remember that. 261 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,060 Listen, your brother is here in confession. When he's finished, you'll 262 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:28,039 Okay, okay. 263 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,820 Boy, oh, boy. He acts like nobody ever stole a Nintendo game before. 264 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,960 John, come on. You're better at this than I am. Mark, just go in. Just talk 265 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,080 him first. You're putting it off. You're putting it off. You know that. You're 266 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,360 putting this off. You should really go in there yourself, please. 267 00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:48,280 Please, come on. All right. 268 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:02,960 Father Bob, it's John Lacey. 269 00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:06,180 How long has it been since your last confession? 270 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,240 No, no, no, no, no. I'm Kirk's friend. 271 00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:11,060 In that case, say ten Hail Marys. No, no. 272 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,120 I didn't come here to confess. 273 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,220 What, did you think this was a phone booth? 274 00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:20,020 No, look, Kirk's outside. He wants to talk to you. 275 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,000 Hey, I'm working here. 276 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:28,160 Father, I know he's been holding this barber thing against you all these 277 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,200 and... 278 00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:32,620 He doesn't want to live with his anger anymore, so he wants to patch things up 279 00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:33,620 between the two of you. 280 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,600 Trust me, he'll never do it. Why not? I know my brother. 281 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,120 He's a yutz. 282 00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:44,660 Spider! Spider! 283 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,000 Spider! 284 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,300 Wait, wait! 285 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,900 One of you will have to leave. 286 00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:52,860 He called me a yutz. 287 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,020 Why didn't you deny it? 288 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:56,840 I couldn't lie. I'm in a confessional. 289 00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:00,660 Hey, real nice. 290 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:05,599 Look, your brother and I were talking about, uh, you know, you know. 291 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:06,859 What? What? 292 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,240 About Father Bob having sex with your fiancée. 293 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,440 A little louder. I don't think they heard you in the rectory. 294 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:18,040 I was telling you, you came here to forgive him. All right? 295 00:17:18,859 --> 00:17:19,859 All right. 296 00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:21,380 Leave us alone. 297 00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:25,599 Well, I don't think I should leave until both of you are speaking in a civil 298 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,910 manner. I should have left you in bed with that bimbo. 299 00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:30,690 You were in bed with a bimbo? I'll wait outside. 300 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,290 I see. 301 00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:33,530 Oh, okay. 302 00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:35,130 Just... John. 303 00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:38,330 Hey, watch your hands. We're in a church here. 304 00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:43,890 All right, Kirk. Let's get it over with. 305 00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,970 I'll let you forgive me so you can get out of here. 306 00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:49,890 You'll never change, will you? 307 00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:55,810 Ever since we were kids, you always had to tell me what to do. Always had to... 308 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:56,920 Not me. Everything. 309 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,000 Especially in front of Dad. 310 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,220 What's Dad got to do with this? Everything. 311 00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:05,580 All he ever heard out of his mouth was, Bob this, Bob that. 312 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,660 He introduced you to everybody as the apple of his eye. 313 00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:12,820 Me introduced as the other one. 314 00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:16,720 So that's what you're mad about. 315 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,460 This is really not about Barbara. 316 00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:22,660 I don't know, maybe not. 317 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:33,420 Kirk, as long as you're here, I... I have a confession to make. 318 00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,940 I'm not going to Rome. 319 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,900 I made up that story about working for the Pope. 320 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,240 I don't want you to know that I was a failure. 321 00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,740 What do you mean, a failure? 322 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,500 Well, who cares? I can't do anything right. 323 00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:59,490 I've been booted out of 17 churches in the last 10 years. 324 00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:01,830 You know where I'm going tomorrow? 325 00:19:02,670 --> 00:19:05,470 I'm going to be a chaplain at the weather station in Antarctica. 326 00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:10,330 Bob, 327 00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:13,210 I'm sorry. 328 00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:17,550 Boy, things really have changed, huh? Yeah. 329 00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:23,430 Here I am going off to the middle of nowhere and you're this important guy in 330 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:24,430 Washington. 331 00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:30,990 I mean, Dad told me all about it. 332 00:19:31,430 --> 00:19:34,170 About all that top -secret work you're doing for the government. 333 00:19:35,190 --> 00:19:37,610 How nobody at the Pentagon makes a move without you. 334 00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:44,430 So Dad got my postcards, huh? 335 00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:48,070 Yeah. 336 00:19:49,570 --> 00:19:52,590 Well, I'm glad that we're finally being honest with each other. 337 00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,450 I'm sure it's what God wants. 338 00:19:57,110 --> 00:19:58,110 Well... 339 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:06,590 As long as we're coming clean, it's something I've got to confess to. 340 00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:11,210 And I guess this is as good a place as any. 341 00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:14,330 Yeah? 342 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:20,230 Well, this is really hard for me to say, but... 343 00:20:20,230 --> 00:20:25,030 You know all that stuff about me working at the Pentagon? 344 00:20:31,950 --> 00:20:34,670 It's a good thing you remind me, because I got a meeting there in an hour. 345 00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:38,710 And those Joint Chiefs can be real grumps if you're late. See you later, 346 00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:40,190 So long, Kirk. 347 00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:46,170 Hey, you take care of yourself in Antarctica. 348 00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:47,530 You hear? 349 00:20:49,430 --> 00:20:51,010 Try not to freeze your beads off. 350 00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:00,990 Antarctica. 351 00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:07,040 Oh, this is the relative of us. 352 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:08,800 So, how did it go? 353 00:21:08,940 --> 00:21:11,060 Oh, great, great, great, great. 354 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:15,980 Yeah, I'm really going to miss that guy. I'm proud of him. I'm going to miss him 355 00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:16,980 when he goes to Rome. 356 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,540 Hey, good for you, Kirk. Yeah, I gave him some merchandising ideas to kind of 357 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,000 bounce off the Pope, you know. 358 00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:24,099 Merchandising ideas? 359 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:27,200 Yeah, you know, fast foods with the Pope's picture right on it. 360 00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:30,400 Stuff like, I don't know, microwave popcorn. 361 00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:35,530 Diet Popsicola. 362 00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:38,870 Come on, Kurt. Where are we going? I'm going to throw you in front of a train. 363 00:21:38,970 --> 00:21:39,970 Come on. 364 00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:23,180 It's really very easy. Look. 365 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:25,680 Thursday at the rainbow room with William. 366 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:27,800 Friday at the night with Jonathan. 367 00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:30,540 Sunday in the park with George. 368 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,080 What are you doing? 369 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:37,700 Mary Beth just brought an electronic organizer so she can keep track of all 370 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:38,880 gentlemen she's dating. 371 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,840 Oh, funny. I just write mine down in my appointment book. 372 00:22:42,380 --> 00:22:44,680 Anybody want to buy an appointment book? Never been used. 373 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,520 Mary Beth, how in the world do you meet all of these men? 374 00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:56,770 Secret? You see a guy you like at a party or a restaurant and you just let 375 00:22:56,770 --> 00:22:58,830 know that you're available and interested. 376 00:22:59,130 --> 00:23:00,130 And horny. 377 00:23:03,110 --> 00:23:06,970 Thank you for that profound observation, Mrs. Hilbert. 378 00:23:07,390 --> 00:23:08,390 Anytime, kid. 379 00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:15,950 Mary Beth, you can call me old -fashioned, but I have an unwritten 380 00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:19,070 insist that the man make the first move. 381 00:23:19,430 --> 00:23:20,870 That's the same rule I have. 382 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,540 Hi, is this the 121 Club? 383 00:23:24,060 --> 00:23:25,060 Yes. 384 00:23:26,340 --> 00:23:30,300 I came to talk to you about joining your group. I hope I'm not interrupting 385 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:31,580 anything. No. 386 00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:36,920 We were just discussing rules. 387 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,000 And how they're made to be broken. 388 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:43,660 Well, how should we get started? Should I tell you about my divorce? 389 00:23:44,060 --> 00:23:45,460 Oh, right, your divorce. 390 00:23:45,860 --> 00:23:46,860 Is it final? 391 00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:48,460 Yes. Good. 392 00:23:48,660 --> 00:23:50,320 I think that pretty much covers it.